Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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