I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
