my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
