Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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