Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
