This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
