i jhust puked up my retainher.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well you can't waste a boner
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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