you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems