im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.