I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
