It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
