im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
did i walk over a car last night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
