Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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