How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
