We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
