Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
