I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
