barbara walters just said penis...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
