Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
