I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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