Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
