so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
