i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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