Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
