You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
