we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
