I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
