I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
