i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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