The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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