Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
