I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Terrible idea I love it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
