She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
