Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
