How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
