My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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