I got chris browned last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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