You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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