If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
