Don't make out with my wife yet
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You made out with two different species that night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
