I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
