remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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