just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
