so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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