My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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