glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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