Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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