I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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