all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this must be what syphilis tastes like
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We are all done wearing pants today
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