When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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