She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
