So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
