I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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