...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
