birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
