She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
