Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
