i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
