Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
