Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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