Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
