I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
